The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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