dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
