Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
