i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
