You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
