Got a toothbrush?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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