I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ttyl tear gas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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