First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
