I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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