I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
