apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
