D3 body, D1 cock
Just cropdusted the office
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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