He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
