It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
