The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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