Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
