shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
