so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
