the new term for farting is butt boxing.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
