My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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