My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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