Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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