I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
