Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
