from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
