Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize