He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
