he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
FUCK WHALES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
