I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
