singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%