false alarm. still invincible.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.