ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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You're like the curious george of whores
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.