i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?