Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So many bounce houses so little time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
