You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
