Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
