You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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