It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
