Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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