Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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