My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
