Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
