i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
