Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
