chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
