can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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