cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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