It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
