dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
