Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
