Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
