I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
