After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
