you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
