i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
