Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
