I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
