Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
