Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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