everyone is single if you try hard enough
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
