The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
