and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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