so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
