I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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