Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
