I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize