I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
