Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
