If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I see more hoeing in ur future
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