i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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