a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
