You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
