don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
a search helicopter?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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