Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
