I'm so fucking centered right now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
