Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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