guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
