im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
