I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
